You're still here

God, I know You're here, I always do. But the battle in my head is really killing me. I know what I've been doing, seeking out for You, Your Kingdom, Your wisdom, Your understanding. Again, I know Lord You are here with me, for my head has been toying with me. Came the day when You rocked my heart, and transform my views and sight and turn it upright, I was sure You were in work. I was broke, and mould. As time pass, I had doubt. God, I know You're still here, You never forsake me. I had doubt, whether it is You who is working, or is it due to my suppressed feeling, running away from something and taking You Lord as my personal "pain-killer". I know, You're still here, You're always here, and I know its You. =')

Facebook

Facebook - Source of unwanted sin. I knew I shouldn't have reactivate back my facebook. The second i reactivate it back, i can see the same old person I'm trying to convince I'm all good sincerely not buying me, getting me all fired up. Yes, YOU! FRIEND. I've been praying for you, hoping you would one day get save and you talk about me with venom in every words. Do you know how hard it is to fight that barrier you're applying on to show you, to help you? YOU ARE NEVER GONNA CHANGE.

Look at me, I'm 20, in a blink of an eye I will be 21 next year. As far as I have faith that God has a plan for me in the future, deep down inside, I have fear. Things change. There are lots of things you need to be worry about in the future. Aside from studies in university, there's job, working. I've come to realize and conclude that I have only 30% of interest on the course I'm currently taking. I have to think of the prospect of working somewhere far from home, somewhere unknown to me. But i expect a decent more than average salary for my job as an engineer (my only motivation to study right now). Before I climb the steps into university, there is no way I will consider working in church as a job. Miraculously, God changed my views. Serving Him can be joyful. Then there's relationships. Need more I say? Things like these can cause a tug-of-war between sides of your heart. I need a resolution. An affirmation. A confirmation. No one knows what God has plan for me, It is beyond prediction.

Only Hope

There's this show, which my friend have asked me to watch since long time ago, but I couldn't be bothered by it because the title is sooo boring. Huh, that ultimately change one day when i was bored and the show was in my laptop that I decided to watch it. It blew my mind! The show was epic. A mix of blissful love and complete sadness that i drop tears during the show. It was overwhelming! A couple of awesome shows had came out this year of 2011 but I rate this 2002 movie on my top list. A walk to remember =)) And this song in the show, couldn't get it outta my mind!! I could watch it over and over again!

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

Okay. Football is overrated! Don't get me wrong, I love football, but what I can't stand is players getting paid like thousands for playing every week! What have they done actually? Sure they do make people happy by playing for their supported club and country, but what do they deserve to get paid like that!? Football players, everyone loves them, everyone worships them, do you know, of all the people in the world, footballers (especially the famous ones) are the ones leading bad examples to today's people. They club at night, they drink and worst of all, they ask for sex from every girl they see in the bar! (Yes, even some of those who were married). Some of the world's most famous footballer, paid thousands like nothing for sex. They're a bunch of lost individuals, lost in the midst of their fame and fortune. For once, I totally agree with my secondary headmaster's statement, "Why do footballer's get paid so high for PLAYING while teachers, the ones who educate the future of the country will never get paid as high as those footballers!" These days, footballers are unpleasant, self-obsessed and they basically don't care whats happening around the world! Again, not all footballers are like that, just that in my opinion, black is darker than white. So, in conjunction with my 2nd semester of university life, I'm gonna organise a campaign called, "FOOTBALL IS OVERRATED!". Joking though, I'm gonna stop watching football and reading news about football, cutting less time online.

25th September

midnight 1.10a.m

Again, the same question arises, always leaving me in total confusion, a moment of emptiness, frustration. Afraid, nervous, anxious of what the future lies ahead. What am I doing now? I can't help to feel that there will always be an invisible timer following me all around. Making all decisions made matter every moment. A moment I've think I made the right decision, and the next time you'll see me against it. I don't know whether you call this indecisiveness or just the fact that you're stuck between unsolved problems. Sure, I'm pretty sick of it, not enjoying one bit of it, hating the halted momentum that's frequent in my life lately. Again, how? when? why?

The man who can't be moved

Going back to the corner where I first saw you

Gonna camp in my sleeping bag, I'm not gonna move

Got some words on the cardboard, got your picture in my hands

saying:"If you see this girl, would you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand

I'm not broke I'm just a brokenhearted man

I know it makes no sense, but what else can i do?

How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me

and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be

Thinking maybe you'll come back to the place that we'd meet

and you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the streets

Cos I'm not moving

I'm not moving

Son of God

A worship song that I've been into it and hearing for the last few months when I'm stress/bored/feeling the need to worship, so to all believers out there, grab your earphone, sing along with the lyrics!

Hillsong - Son of God

Hold my hand and walk with me
You’re the light that makes me see
On this path my soul You lead
O my shepherd walk with me

I need You more than breath
You’re my hope in You I live
Angels worship at Your throne
Power and glory to You alone

My Savior
Glorious One
My Redeemer
Living in my heart
Now and forever
Your Kingdom come
Jesus Son of God
Jesus, Son of God

Jesus, O Jesus.
Holy is the Lamb of God
Jesus, O Jesus
Worthy is the Lamb of God

Love Letters from God

God creates men.

God loves men.

Men lives in world full of sin.

God lives in Heaven.

God wrote love letters to men.

It is up to men to response to God's love.

"The more deeply you understand and enter the story told in the Bible, the more you hear a story of love unmatched in all of history, in all literature and film. It portrays a kind of love that Shakespeare could not imagine, a pure love that Hollywood's best imitation badly mangles."

Sweet tune

Closed my eyes.

Centered in the middle of this hollowed hall.

Where the audience seat overshadowed by darkness,

while a dim warmth light enlightens the center stage.

The familiar strings starts playing,

one by one, building an ambiance,

which promises a night to remember.

The organ gently played to perfection,

Accompanied with blissful harmony,

As quietly co-waltzing by,

the world turns still and silence.

Opens eye.

And all that's left, the sweet tune echoing.

What Now?

Everytime i look at my "Fundamentals of Electric Circuits" book, or "Principle of C++ Programming", or even during class when me and my friends were taught about differential equation and calculus, this thought often occur in my mind.

"What am I doing here? Do I actually like this?

Am I okay facing the prospects of working with dead wires and sophisticated electronic gadgets in the future? Shouldn't I be somewhere studying architecture happily?

Isn't that what I like?

Drawing and designing skyscrapers and buildings.

I can be better in many other things than what I am doing now.

Am I happy with what I am doing right now?

What am I doing here?

What now?

"Teach me how to befriend them.

Teach me how to love them.

Teach me how to live with them."

POOFF!!!

back to reality. Sadly, I should continue studying for my coming exam.

"Dear Lord, If this is Your will, so be it.

I know the day will come, I can't deny it,

Break me, mold me Lord as You will."

Depression

Not gonna talk about how depressed am I nor how sad, awful or stressful am I. Here's a thing people often missed out or neglect about depression, when you get depressed, you think negatively and at the same time, your spiritual life starts crumbling. The bible tells us that we must walk in spirit and not to fulfill the lust of the flesh. Living to fulfill our physical needs does not lead to a whole and balanced life. We must grow spiritually, and depression can halt this growth and people only tend to get back on track after a LONG period of time.

Now back to depression. Depression does not affect your faith or beliefs. However, spiritually, you will feel empty, feeling that God doesn't listen to your cries and prayers. Feeling far from God, finding difficulties in experiencing His love or joy. Yet,it may be a time in your life where you need to seek Him most (and hardest). For in a state of depression, you've lost your sense of feeling and emotions. It is a testing time of your faith to God for your "feeling" just aren't there and you need to stand firm on your belief.

Pray for healing. Pray for the right helpers. Pray that God will give you strength to cope with the depression you're facing. Depression makes it hard for you to concentrate on praying or reading His word. Have others pray with or for you. Listen to music (christian music). Often a depressed person would like to avoid meetings, but worship and fellowship always help, don't avoid church service in times like this.

Building a spiritual foundation is essential. Make prayers and devotions a habit. Seek God daily, pray for guidance and wisdom in every circumstances. And when the time of trial comes, you will be able to seek God easily.=))

UNITEN INFORMATION, REVIEWS & COMMENTS

I've realized that when choosing and applying a university, one must do thorough research on the uni he's looking. And I also realized that besides the official website of a uni (which is very one sided), very little unofficial sites provides informations and reviews regarding the uni. So here I am putting up a big title "UNITEN INFORMATION, REVIEWS & COMMENTS", hoping that other people who wants some info and reviews about this uni will stumble here, through google perhaps.

Here's a rough preview;

-Its a university for engineering and IT!

-It's located near Kajang area

-One of the largest private University in Malaysia

-Fees considered cheap considering its an engineering university

Pro's

-Well recognized throughout Malaysia (Not sure about international)

-Have multiple bonds between other companies (Ensuring students job opportunities)

-Provides state-of-the-art facilities for practical training in both engineering & IT

-Good lecturers.

-Established library.

-Good sports facilities (basketball, badminton, futsal, football, rugby, golf, swimming pool, etc)

-Have national level clubs

-Lots of scholarships provided, usually for foundation and first year degree students.

-Environmental-Friendly ( As in both students and environment)

Cons (Here comes...)

-It can be said, 80% of the students are.... BOYS. ( Don't be surprised if you didn't get to meet any girls in one semester). UNITEN is cursed.

-Poor management.

-Besides paying for the room, you'll also need to pay for the electricity. Yes, You've heard it right, you need to pay for the electricity here in University Tenaga Nasional. Small issue though.

-Slow internet speed. Around 10 to 20kbps. No wifi in apartment, you need to bring your own cable.

-Moral and Bahasa Malaysia subjects are included in counting your grade and can affect your CGPA!!

Other facts

-Known for cramping up semesters, which means no study weeks, lesser holidays, but speed up graduation.

Conclusion: If you're looking for a good engineering and IT school and fully focused on study, I highly recommend UNITEN. With UNITEN, your future is secure.

The Singing Horses! (out of boredom)

New is always better!

"To live is Christ, and to die is gain."

Here's a thing I found out lately.

I've been a "christian" for almost 20 years. But to be honest, I've only been an actual christian living the christian life for like 5 years, to be more harsh, 3 years. Since young, i was thought the way of Christ and follow parents to church. I was thought that once you believe in Christ, you will be saved and go to heaven. But as i grew older, i knew that believing without action would not guarantee a place up there, but being a christian for so long, i took for granted that God will never give up on me no matter how poor my spiritual life is as long as I still believe. I've never had first love with God to be honest until last few years ago.

Its hard finding first love in God for someone who was 'taught' to believe in Christ since young instead of being 'introduce' to God.

Anyway, my discovery was made when i met a new friend, same age as me who was a secretary for "techflow" a christian society in my university. What I was amazed is that he only started accepting christ when he was 18! See the difference!

I would like to thank God for he has been guiding me and understanding my worries throughout my time in UNITEN. I would have succumb into darkness if it wasn't for him.

So, to all my friends out there who have been christians for a long time but somehow fade into the darkness, I hope that you can find your way back, reignite your passion to Christ, find back your first love with God, renew your faith in Him! For new is always better!

The Thief Is Back!

My long time enemy, he is the reason why I wrote this blog, always in my way when I'm on a mission to achieve something greater. He's an opportunist, always striking me from behind whenever I'm in times of complication, weak willed and weak minded. During my days in Sabah, I've constantly fought him and most of the time lost the battle, and after a while due to some reasons he left the battle and was never seen again. And as time passes, I'm now in a new environment with renewed motivation and strength. But life's not a bed of roses. As soon as i met the thorns and in times of complication, my old enemy return and strike at times the least I expected. He has this extraordinary power to make you write blogs and go facebook-ing. Meet my old friend and enemy. Procrastination, the thief of time.

1st June 2011

Lets welcome the month of June!

Its been a month here in uniten and i kinda puzzled out my targets already.

1. Save money - I top this on the list cos' its the hardest among the others. I've spent approximately RM800 in the month of May (buying clothes, household item, books, FOOD). Yes, for this month, I'm gonna save money by going cheap on FOOD. Here's a rough plan,

Lunch

cheap meals, y = RM3

Regular meals, x = RM5

Save, x - y = RM2

Assuming i will eat cheap meals 4 times a week. Approximately 12 times a month.

Savings per month, 12 ( x - y ) = 12 (2)

= RM24

Dinner

maggi, y = RM1

Regular meal, x = RM5

Save, x -y = RM4

Of course I'm not gonna eat maggi everyday though, maybe just 2 times a week or else I will have white hair and cancer soon. Approximately 6 times a month.

Savings per month, 6 ( x - y ) = 6 (4)

= RM24

By cheap food, I can save around RM50 per month thats if everything goes according to plan. Food is just one of the criteria though, will be looking other ways to save money.

Target: Save RM50 from your RM500 per month.

2. Get pointer 3.75 and above (4 if possible) for my first year. This target can be related to my money saving plan as I'm planning to get a scholarship (if possible, without bonding) using my first year result to provide cushion to me and my parents finance. Always always always easier said than done though, procrastination is the thief of time, time and tide wait for no men, I should study instead of writing blogs.

Target: Score pointer 3.75 and above for 1st year

3. Get closer to God. Read the bible at least 3 times per week! No excuses! Needs no long explanation! Just do it!

Target: Read the bible 3 times per week

Amen!

"Motivational"

Sometimes silly things like this is just what keeps you going.

Perfection: It is not good enough to win, everyone else have to lose

Awesomeness: When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.

And the above, seems demotivating rather than motivating.

Life is hard, sometimes you feel its a bit unfair.

Sometimes its good to let out some tears, let God comfort the sad & lonely heart.

15 day Review

Day 1 - Arrive KL and went straight to UNITEN and stayed at the residence hotel for a night. No where else to stay. Walked around the area with dad searching for decent food. Was in a very bad mood.

Day 2 - Registration day, walk the way to the admin building, get keys, and got into my apartment room. 10th floor! Decent room, everything fine except for the missing bar which was suppose to be in my closet, now i can't hang any of my shirt! Meet new friends and roommates.

Day 3 - Met even more friends!

Day 4 - Realized Sabahan and girls are extremely rare in this university. Tried football in sports talent search on real big field and with real coaches together with other african international students.O.O 10 minutes for me is already like 90 minutes. Zzzzzz....

Day 5 - Arrange timetables for first and second semester.

Day 6 - Last day of orientation! Hooray!

Day 7 - So what if its the end of orientation, there still "Orientasi Kelompok", zzzz... but i skip eventually and went shopping alone. ;) Travelled back to Melacca with cousin at the end of the day.

Day 8 - Chilling out with my cousin's friend and went to do some shopping and watch movie.

Day 9 - Went to my cousin's Catholic church, O.O which is kind of different then what I've been to and had buffet lunch for Mother's day! (I'm eating as much as I can in favour of my mom. ;)) Went back UNITEN at the end of the day...

Day 10 - First day of class, its all sweat, heat and flu. Rushing with my coursemates from building after building chasing classes.

Day 11 - Relaxed a bit because we realized that class ain't that punctual ;) and its first week! Introduction week for all classes. The day was hot!

Day 12 - Just 1 hour class today in the morning, decided to hit mines with one of my friends and do some shopping. Had dinner with Tay and took his year one text books. (FOC!)

Day13 -Had class, slept like a pig for the rest of the day.

Day 14 - No class at all! Spend the whole day online, sleep. Couldn't find anything to eat for lunch! Took my roommates instant noodles and...>< My first cellgroup, or as they called share group saved me from boredom for the day! Had a great dinner with them.

Day 15 - First day i went to church, lots of familiar faces! Interesting, already feeling like home~ Reminded me of my church in Tawau.

Mr Lee, Chan Hou, Mr Prawn

Whatup! Turns out September is just way too long for me. Will be leaving end of this month for further studies in KL. I'm gonna be an engineer!!=D (that is assuming everyone who took engineering course came out an engineer =\) I'm not really worried though, i take it as a stepping stone into something greater, not necessarily engineer.

To be honest, this freaks me out.

Well, I do miss out a lot here in my hometown Tawau, especially leaving so soon on May, I told everyone last year i was going of on September!><

Talk about last year, a lot have change since then, Its a natural growing process i guess. We've started working. Here's a hint of where i worked.

Unbelievable eh, I actually work at this very building for two months, yes its an auditing firm located on top of this KFC restaurant.

yes, that white tall building on top of KFC.

Well I don't exactly work here, I came here for an interview after Jason begged me to come work with him here and ended up being drafted to another department far from him WITH NEVER ENDING OFFICE WORK and an open office where everyone can see you (Can't slack off). THANK YOU JASON! =X

Everything there is formal, they don't call me joe, josh or joeshua, I'm known as Mr Lee there. Being called like that gives you pressure, you feel there is a high expectation on your shoulders.=.=

The time I love the most during work, is lunchtime, where I get to meet my friends. I will always remember this particular person who always ate with us, Mr Chek (hope i didn't forgot his name ><) who is in his 30's who looks like he's 25 telling us his life experience and his sad single life. But one thing I'm annoyed about him is, he'll always ask me questions about Christianity and i'll always get stuck. Maybe this is a sign that I need to read the bible more.

Always on time for work and on time to leave when the clock struck 5pm. And then here comes the rush against time to avoid to after-work traffic jam.

Zzzzz...

But then again, its an experience, thats how work is and I've no regrets. =)

My cellgroup, they need me, and I need them.=)

I've grown a lot through this cellgroup, I get to know God even more.

My group consist of people ageing from 18 to 22 or 23 i guess. Well, they can be very funny at times and they always refer me as "Chan Hou", due to reasons. My leader, Louvis, a technology know-it-all person has been very influential to me, he used to be an anti-social christian hater in the past who gradually changed into a confident God loving person. And he can sing too! Its because of him I started playing the guitar in cellgroup during praise and worship, and because of him, every member have the chance to lead in praise and worship, including me. O_O" There are others who have also been influential to me and one of them was Kevin. Again he was one who had negative past but gradually changed in God. Comparing his past and present, Its a miracle!

Yes yes, this girl in the middle A.K.A "林太" Is a big fan of.....

Similar to a friend of mine. Both crazy over this guy.

We always hangout together.

Sadly, I will be going, Thank God for them. I will be back!

So thats all! The End.

But how can I ignore my friends who have been in the same school with me! Whom I always "yamcha" with eventhough some might FFK or come late. Doesn't matter though, Tawau style!

As time flies...

The 5 Berlian gang.

One by one, each one left...

But once in a while,they come back and we regroup =) Some from KL, some from Kedah, Pahang, Penang, UK, New Zealand, Australia and... India!

We have Malays, Chinese and Indian! A very good example of 1 Malaysia!

Not forgetting the form 6 gang! Consist of different kinds of animals.

We have the famous chicken, duck, King Kong.

And the prawn. Yes, I'm Mr Prawn.

Yes, 20 years living here in Tawau, 20 years has gone so fast, lots of memories, lots of friends, lots of love. That sums up how i got those 3 different names.

Mind or Heart?

Whatup! Which of these do you actually follow? Mind over heart? Or Heart over mind? Well, there's no right or wrong to this subjective topic though, read lots about it, different people different views. As for me, after a long thought about this subject, i came out with a conclusion, always make decisions where your heart and mind both agree! Actually no. For me, the mind will always be stronger than the heart due to the fact it has logical reasonings, but somehow you'll always feel unsatisfied for not following your heart. But I'm not saying that the heart has no right to make decisions. For me, the heart will always have something the mind doesn't have. Courage, the will to explore, belief. Now, if you let your brain take over, you'll not be able to explore new things due to the logical risk considered by your brain, and there will be no belief in God, well, "logically, God doesn't exists! But come'on, credits to the brain for keeping us alive, for keeping me alive for 20 years and the years to come!

I want to be an architect. The fear of a stressful architect's life came to mind. I think I want to be an engineer. But I love architect! I want to be like, "Ted Mosby (*winks eye*) the architect.

Engineer seems less busier and stressful than architecture though. Its a brain-storming and heart pounding moment. Brain won eventually. I'm an engineering to be. Guess I'm not ready to commit myself to architecture. Wait, was this my brain speaking or my heart?

Well, in the end, the heart and brain are connected in one human form. So who really cares! Its not like you'll end up having split personalities due to the brain-heart war inside you.

23th February 2011

Hey! It is reported that Joeshua Lee from St Patrick are closing on a deal with UNITEN which will see the fellow Sabahan joining the institution in Kajang area for a reported fee around RM55 thousand. The deal is reported to tie the 20 year-old former Hing Hwa student for 4 years till 2015. Other source also shows the interest of Joeshua to UCSI although it is know that a higher fee (around RM61 thousand) is required, while MMU is also on the list. However, it appears that UNITEN and UCSI are clear favourites to land the 20 year old Science student where one of them will sign him by may before the season begins.

13th February 2011

Hey! Tomorrows Valentine Day. As usual, I shall return into my comfort zone and look miserable. I need a miracle!

6th February 2011

Hey! Heres a thing about an unstoppable force and and immovable object, they just can't get enough of it! Or at least one of them. Well, she's like an unstoppable force and i'm like the immovable object. Sigh~

15th January 2011

Hey! Its been just 15 days since 2010, but it already feels like few months. Dang i miss my friends especially the ones back in form 6, haven't seen them for a long time. ='( Since i started working, i feel that I've been ignorant to whats been happening to my friends. Nooooooooooooo!!!>< I still care!!

7th January 2011

Hey! I've found a job in a furniture store and have been working so far for 3 days. One of my longest 3 days actually. My daily working hour is around 11 hours a day. With me sleeping around 7 hours a day and time taken for meals around 1 hour, i have just only 5 hours of free time at home! Despite all this, thank God I'm enjoying the fact i have a better (less dirtier job than the previous one in a food court), higher pay, and a more flexible schedule for other events such as church services and cell groups. And in terms of health, i think i'm more fit and healthier now since i'm working in a furniture store where sometimes i will be required to carry ridiculously big mattresses and sofa set, better than sitting in front of your computer the whole day refreshing facebooks and watching youtubes.=_= But the main thing i guess is, i'm learning to appreciate my time at home and my family. Spending more quality time with them.=) I've learn to promote some of the best mattress around, brands like Dunlopillo from the UK, Air Spring from the America, Getha, and so on... But to conclude, the best mattress can only be found in my home for there is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.^^

1st January 2011

Hey! Its 2011! and i just knew i need to write something on this miserable piece of sheet. Now, heres i thing or two i learned from a pastor from Singapore and i intended to make this as my resolution this year, ONE of my resolutions that is. =.=

From Potential to Fulfillment!
Ever heard of a person saying to you when you're young, saying you've got long hands, you've got potential to be a great pianist. No? I do. Or someone says you look tall, you've got a great potential to be a great basketball player. No again? I do. You've got potential to be a great athlete, you've got potential to be a great leader, potential to be a great speaker, potential to be a bla bla bla... The main point here, or word is POTENTIAL. God created us with potential to be good in many things. Yes, i have the potential to be a good pianist, but the question is, was it fulfilled? Look at me today!-.- Honestly, no, i'm far from being a GREAT PIANIST despite having long fingers.

Familiar with the parable of talents? Roughly its about a master who gave each of his servant a minas, or gold, cash, or money in our own words for them to invest while he goes somewhere far. When the master returns, all his servant did invest something for the master and were rewarded with a few cities to rule. Except for one servant who was too afraid to invest that one lil' gold coin because he fear he might lose it and hide it under the ground until his master return. The master was so angry and it was a bad ending for that poor cowardly servant.=.=

So, we were given talents, potential, gifts and so on, so why not "invest" it and watch it grow into something great, something that God has already plan for you. So, this year 2011, lets turn that potential into fulfillment, or what you have will be wasted! Hate Potential! Grrrr...

Happy New Year 2011! God Bless ~^^