Smoker

Life of a smoker.

A man, a heavy smoker  who had been smoking as a teenager  for the past 4 to 5 years. It all started around the year 2008 till early 2013. His life revolved around smoking. Morning, school time, lunch time, noon, evening, night, you name it, he will always be smoking. But all this act ended recently, he stopped buying packs of cigarettes, to start all over again, to make up all the regrets he have in the past and put it aside.

Convinced he was over smoking addiction, he moved on and enjoy a much happier, healthier cheerful lifestyle. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.

Is it possible for a man, to actually stop his addiction after indulging in it for the past 5 years? Is it true when a man claimed he has no desire or hunger for something that he once was so obsessed, so addicted to, something he once would die for?

The man woke up one day, the morning still dark and filled with complete silence.

The faint scent of cigar. Is it possible for a man to change?
or will there be no way out?

Analogy end.

Satisfaction

It's Good Friday! It will be a very special occasion for me not only because this marks the day Jesus died on the cross 2000 years ago to redeem us from our sins, but the timing of His work in my life.

First, this marks the time my burden that I was holding onto for a very long time, lifted up from my shoulders. I was bounded by the burden of reaching towards what I've thought was the best there is, and that nothing could ever replace that. But miraculously, He changed that, took away my sorrows, mend my broken heart, lifted me up from the ashes, and I've felt that I can completely surrender to God, to trust in Him that the best is yet to come. Thank you!!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Through Psalm 147:3, I am healed COMPLETELY. No scars, no bitterness, but the love of God.

Secondly

"God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him. This is a radically life-changing discovery. It means that the pursuit of God's glory and the pursuit of your joy are not at odds. They are, in fact, ONE."

I've discovered quite a few months ago that I've enjoyed serving in the usher ministry as well as helping out the church or cell members. In fact, I am satisfied with what I am doing, not because I know I did a good job, or I was the best usher there, but because I know the fact that someone's looking down from above, knowing every passion and effort that you have poured. This made me want to do more! 

To wrap things up, I believe God has let these things to happen with a reason which I might not see or understand. He has His own timing and purpose for everything. He has made me stronger and wiser in every struggle I've been through, but THE BEST IS YET TO COME! ;)

Stepping up

I can feel the sudden weight on my shoulders and it will only get heavier in the coming future. There are some responsibilities, responsibility as a son, responsibility as a christian, responsibility as a student and responsibility towards myself. I realized that I no longer can carry this responsibilities by just finding time. I need to sacrifice my leisure time and money to go on. It's time to commit, to stand firm. Sure, there are some things that I can be ignorant about, but NO, its time to step up my game.

Morning

Everytime when I woke up suddenly early in the morning, lying down, tossing and turning around my bed, unable to get back to sleep. My mind arrived into a world of endless thoughts. I woke up and naturally, when everybody's sleeping, I would log on to my blog, hoping to express my thoughts. But now it seems that I'm in lost of words.

A heavenly sign? or a Nightmare?

Shaken up on 5.24 am in the morning, couldn't help but to get up and type it down here.

Just when I thought I'm finally over "it", the vision, the dream came back and haunt me..beautifully. The desire inside me tells me to give myself one more chance to do what is needed, to fulfill the vision.

Is all this just my own thinking? Does she knows that I'm still thinking of her..or am I just on my own?

perhaps just on my own...

Pub, Beers, and stuff

Before I call it a day, here's my experience of going into a pub for the first time with my friends which I thought was a karaoke center. Here's what went through my mind.

- What? I thought we're going to sing some karaoke?

- Look at all those beers and smokes

- I shouldn't be here

- Nope, not gonna touch the beer

- Probably will just play some cards

One of my friends asked me to have a drink in which I decline, and he said: "why so holy?" I was immediately startled. The pressure to drink rose, so I finally took a sip. Shouldn't be that bad I thought. I end up drinking a glass and half because we played a game where the losers need to take a sip. Still consider light and safe though I was afraid that every time i took a sip I will get drunk and lose control of my action.  Turns out we just ordered some light beer that's all. The night ended well thank God. I was still as clear as before. 

I may sound a bit ridiculous here, maybe you are even thinking, why is this boy talking about this? There is nothing wrong with drinking, I always drink! Beer is good! 

I can't say drinking is bad, but I just choose to not do it since I don't have the urge to do so. =)

2013 New Years Resolution

The day before new year, new years eve, I sat down on my annoyingly small desk, enough to fit only my laptop and some mini sized books. It was a lonely new years eve, and so I figure out that I should do my new years resolution on that night itself. Here's it.

1. Compete 85% devotion for the year.

2. Get a smartphone, Iphone 5 16GB perhaps? (RM2,199)

3. Work part time & serve at Calvary Charismatic Church

4. Involve in one major church performance in this year

5. Give a total of RM800 to church building fund

6. Learn a piano piece, preferably a Les Miserables's song

7. Gain weight till 65kg, currently 60kg.

8. Obtain results with GPA 3.5 for every semester this year

9. Read 3 books

10. Complete the bible within this year

Its already 24th of January, and I've already struggle with devotions and bible reading since I came back to Sabah. Besides that, some of them require large amount of money. It seems hard, but not impossible. Give me strength Lord to keep this resolution going! 

Blog Maintenance in Progress

Josh returns! The title says it all. Truth to be told there's not much maintenance to be done (no maintenance needed at all), just for the sake of making it sound official. I'm currently in my exam period, and I will return blogging again when it is all over. Here's what to expect when I return blogging.

Blogging and more blogging. I have been out for quite a while, so there will be much to share. And I'll also be posting more pictures and photos as an initiative to lighten up this dark and dull blog. Don't worry, It'll be interesting. Remember to drop again soon!

Its 4th of September! and i nearly forget about it until when it reach like 2nd of September. *Sigh* Perhaps i'm too busy focusing on my studies.

6th - Thermodynamics

10th - Principle of Management

12th - Numerical Method for Engineers

12th - Microprocessor System

13th - Electromagnetic Fields & Waves

14th - Electrical Machines & Drives

What am I doing now? The period from 12th to 14th is gonna kill me inside out. 4 core subjects packed in 3 days. How can i survive it? Whatever it is, the end of exam will be the beginning of my birthday celebration! Church YOU camp! YES! Holiday back at Tawau! YES! Food! YES! More food! YES! Friends! YES! Sleep! YES! Time! YES! More time! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

But right now, I don't know how to get through it! Thermodynamics! NO! POM! NO! Numec! NO! MicroP! NO EMF! NO! EMD! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

T.T

I take this rare moment out of my hectic life to update my blog.

At times I ponder in the middle of the night.

Is my decision right? Is it the right timing?

How? Should I drop a subject to make it less heavier?

Should I go to meetings which is a distance away?

I appreciate the efficiency brought out of me through these series of events,

but whether I can take it is a question,

and whether my studies will be dealt with a blow is another question

I prayed and kept my decision in my prayers, that It will be right.

But one thing is for sure, I will not give up.

His will be done.

10/6/12

Last year, I've said it;

Regardless of what happens in the future, this girl will be a life changer sent by God.

You've made me love and learn, you've taught me patience and perseverance, you've taken my relationship with Him into the next level.

You open my eyes and change my views.

You're my reflector, the one who sets me in the direction of His way.

I may not express this often, or sometimes not even the slightest hint but,

I hope we can be more, but if its not His will, so be it.

Whatever the outcome is, I thank God greatly for your presence in my life.

I love you and cherish you.

10/6/12

I slam close my book (if there is such term), and said, "I wanna make a difference!"

and I thought, how??

It takes a little spark, to set the whole forest on fire,
You play with fire, you get burned. Simple as that.

Renewed

Through this week, RENEWED!

He died on the cross and took the punishment for our sins, He paid the price for us.

After what He did, how can I just give up on little things compare to what He did? Here's what I'm going to do:

1. Study Hard!

I've been taking extra subjects this semester and it can be heavy, but I shouldn't give an excuse that it is okay to just score an average result because I took extra subjects. Honestly, blame facebook and FIFA instead. I am planning to take extra subjects again next semester. There is a reason though why I do this, so that my final year would be lighter. 先苦后甜!

2. Serve the Lord

To be honest, I feel that I've been neglecting Him for this semester, again I give an excuse for my extra subject. But how hard is it to serve Him as usher or anything compared to dying on the cross?

3. Finance

Renewed motivation...to save money! I've been sort of reckless in spending my money this sem :p

Have a "Good Friday" and Happy Easter Sunday!

PS: Have positive plans to buy my uncle's car from Melacca, hope everything turns out well!><

Ever felt you're so far above that it feels like you're the only one?

Where your feet leaves the dust of the earth

Where all your worries and problems stay below

Where your hand reaches out to the sky

A moment of silence

Not looking back, not turning back

But striving towards the joy that's in store above

But when its over

You go back down to earth

Back to reality

But with this time

You're ready

Friends - Jesus's darkest hour

Just happen to come across an article

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/how-jesus-fought-in-the-dark-hour?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DGBlog+%28DG+Blog%29

How Jesus fight through his darkest hour? After reading this, one word came through my mind, FRIEND.

First, he chose some close friends to be with him. "He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee" (Matthew 26:37).

Second, he opened his soul to them. He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death" (verse 38).

Third, he asked for their intercession and partnership in the battle. "Remain here and keep watch with me" (verse 39).

Fourth, he poured out his heart to his Father in prayer. "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me" (verse 39).

Fifth, he rested his soul in the sovereign wisdom of God. "Yet not as I will, but as thou wilt" (verse 39).

Sixth, he fixed his eye on the glorious future grace that awaited him on the other side of the cross. "For the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:2).

It is good to have friends (brothers and sisters in Christ) to open up to when facing your "darkest hour" for it is clearly shown from the scripture above. Thank God that throughout my "darkest hours", I have trusted spiritual friends to share my problems, talk about how God is molding us, how times like this is just temporary, and that everything happens for a reason. Thank God for the peace that He had given to me at times of trial. =)

Persevere, for there is One that understands you more than yourself.

Convincing myself this isn't a suicide mission, that It is worth the try. Good Luck!

Guns & Grace

Ever thought of if one day you were left stranded on an island living hopelessly?

I've read a book recently, and here's a story that the writer wrote to illustrate how the grace of God can not only save us, but also help us live an extraordinary life! (I'll try to cut it as short as possible.)

There's this sailor who one day was involved in a ship wreck and was left stranded on an isolated island. There was no one on the island, he had no food and shelter. He tried catching fish using his hand made spear, but failed. He tried climbing trees to get its fruit, but ended up only with bruises on his arms and legs. As a last resort for food, he chased wild deer and boar and attempted to kill them with large stones but failed. During the night, he heard wild animals stalking him. Desperate for survival, he found a huge boulder and climb on top of it, avoiding any chances that he would get attack by wild animals. He spend his night on the boulder, cold and shivering. He felt relatively safe, but also imprisoned. Feeling exhausted and depressed, up to this point, he felt hopeless, thinking that he would either die of starvation or being mauled by a wild animal.

The next morning, a man appeared out of nowhere in front of the sailor. He told the sailor that he was a messenger sent by his master from the future to help him, and told the sailor that in 3 months time, a ship is going to pass by the island. To get the attention of the ship that would be passing by, the messenger took out a gun. The sailor haven't seen a gun before as it wasn't invented yet. To demonstrate on how to use the gun, the messenger loaded the gun with bullets and pulled the trigger which produce a loud noise. Excited, the sailor received the gun and a box of bullets. However, having mixed emotions, even though the sailor was given a way out of the island, how can he survive in the island for the next 3 months when he struggled to find food and shelter.

"There's more!" said the messenger. You can use the gun to shoot down fruits from trees, kill deers and fishes for food, protect yourselves from wild animals and use animals skin for shelter and to blanket yourself during the night. At this point, the sailor is overwhelmed with gratefulness. Suddenly a thought came to his mind and he curiously ask, "messenger, what do i need to give you in return for the gun?"

With a smile, the messenger replied, "I know you have no money, and even if you did, repayment is not the reason why I've done this for you. My master saw your sufferings through the time machine and decided provide me with this gun to give you. I had the joy of delivering his gift."

In the end, the gun not only spared his life, but also comfortably sustain him for the next 3 months on the island. He is saved!

The grace of God not only saves us, but also provides us the power to live an extraordinary life!

You're still here

God, I know You're here, I always do. But the battle in my head is really killing me. I know what I've been doing, seeking out for You, Your Kingdom, Your wisdom, Your understanding. Again, I know Lord You are here with me, for my head has been toying with me. Came the day when You rocked my heart, and transform my views and sight and turn it upright, I was sure You were in work. I was broke, and mould. As time pass, I had doubt. God, I know You're still here, You never forsake me. I had doubt, whether it is You who is working, or is it due to my suppressed feeling, running away from something and taking You Lord as my personal "pain-killer". I know, You're still here, You're always here, and I know its You. =')