Smoker

Life of a smoker.

A man, a heavy smoker  who had been smoking as a teenager  for the past 4 to 5 years. It all started around the year 2008 till early 2013. His life revolved around smoking. Morning, school time, lunch time, noon, evening, night, you name it, he will always be smoking. But all this act ended recently, he stopped buying packs of cigarettes, to start all over again, to make up all the regrets he have in the past and put it aside.

Convinced he was over smoking addiction, he moved on and enjoy a much happier, healthier cheerful lifestyle. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months.

Is it possible for a man, to actually stop his addiction after indulging in it for the past 5 years? Is it true when a man claimed he has no desire or hunger for something that he once was so obsessed, so addicted to, something he once would die for?

The man woke up one day, the morning still dark and filled with complete silence.

The faint scent of cigar. Is it possible for a man to change?
or will there be no way out?

Analogy end.

Satisfaction

It's Good Friday! It will be a very special occasion for me not only because this marks the day Jesus died on the cross 2000 years ago to redeem us from our sins, but the timing of His work in my life.

First, this marks the time my burden that I was holding onto for a very long time, lifted up from my shoulders. I was bounded by the burden of reaching towards what I've thought was the best there is, and that nothing could ever replace that. But miraculously, He changed that, took away my sorrows, mend my broken heart, lifted me up from the ashes, and I've felt that I can completely surrender to God, to trust in Him that the best is yet to come. Thank you!!

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Through Psalm 147:3, I am healed COMPLETELY. No scars, no bitterness, but the love of God.

Secondly

"God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him. This is a radically life-changing discovery. It means that the pursuit of God's glory and the pursuit of your joy are not at odds. They are, in fact, ONE."

I've discovered quite a few months ago that I've enjoyed serving in the usher ministry as well as helping out the church or cell members. In fact, I am satisfied with what I am doing, not because I know I did a good job, or I was the best usher there, but because I know the fact that someone's looking down from above, knowing every passion and effort that you have poured. This made me want to do more! 

To wrap things up, I believe God has let these things to happen with a reason which I might not see or understand. He has His own timing and purpose for everything. He has made me stronger and wiser in every struggle I've been through, but THE BEST IS YET TO COME! ;)

Stepping up

I can feel the sudden weight on my shoulders and it will only get heavier in the coming future. There are some responsibilities, responsibility as a son, responsibility as a christian, responsibility as a student and responsibility towards myself. I realized that I no longer can carry this responsibilities by just finding time. I need to sacrifice my leisure time and money to go on. It's time to commit, to stand firm. Sure, there are some things that I can be ignorant about, but NO, its time to step up my game.

Morning

Everytime when I woke up suddenly early in the morning, lying down, tossing and turning around my bed, unable to get back to sleep. My mind arrived into a world of endless thoughts. I woke up and naturally, when everybody's sleeping, I would log on to my blog, hoping to express my thoughts. But now it seems that I'm in lost of words.

A heavenly sign? or a Nightmare?

Shaken up on 5.24 am in the morning, couldn't help but to get up and type it down here.

Just when I thought I'm finally over "it", the vision, the dream came back and haunt me..beautifully. The desire inside me tells me to give myself one more chance to do what is needed, to fulfill the vision.

Is all this just my own thinking? Does she knows that I'm still thinking of her..or am I just on my own?

perhaps just on my own...

Pub, Beers, and stuff

Before I call it a day, here's my experience of going into a pub for the first time with my friends which I thought was a karaoke center. Here's what went through my mind.

- What? I thought we're going to sing some karaoke?

- Look at all those beers and smokes

- I shouldn't be here

- Nope, not gonna touch the beer

- Probably will just play some cards

One of my friends asked me to have a drink in which I decline, and he said: "why so holy?" I was immediately startled. The pressure to drink rose, so I finally took a sip. Shouldn't be that bad I thought. I end up drinking a glass and half because we played a game where the losers need to take a sip. Still consider light and safe though I was afraid that every time i took a sip I will get drunk and lose control of my action.  Turns out we just ordered some light beer that's all. The night ended well thank God. I was still as clear as before. 

I may sound a bit ridiculous here, maybe you are even thinking, why is this boy talking about this? There is nothing wrong with drinking, I always drink! Beer is good! 

I can't say drinking is bad, but I just choose to not do it since I don't have the urge to do so. =)

2013 New Years Resolution

The day before new year, new years eve, I sat down on my annoyingly small desk, enough to fit only my laptop and some mini sized books. It was a lonely new years eve, and so I figure out that I should do my new years resolution on that night itself. Here's it.

1. Compete 85% devotion for the year.

2. Get a smartphone, Iphone 5 16GB perhaps? (RM2,199)

3. Work part time & serve at Calvary Charismatic Church

4. Involve in one major church performance in this year

5. Give a total of RM800 to church building fund

6. Learn a piano piece, preferably a Les Miserables's song

7. Gain weight till 65kg, currently 60kg.

8. Obtain results with GPA 3.5 for every semester this year

9. Read 3 books

10. Complete the bible within this year

Its already 24th of January, and I've already struggle with devotions and bible reading since I came back to Sabah. Besides that, some of them require large amount of money. It seems hard, but not impossible. Give me strength Lord to keep this resolution going!